Wednesday, May 4, 2011

Only in the Movies...

1. It is always possible to park directly outside any building you are visiting.

2. A detective can only solve a case once he has been suspended from duty.

3. If you decide to start dancing in the street, everyone you bump into will know all the steps.

4. Most laptop computers are powerful enough to override the communication systems of any invading alien civilization.

5. It does not matter if you are heavily outnumbered in a fight involving martial arts; your enemies will wait patiently to attack you one by one by dancing around in a threatening manner until you have knocked out their predecessors.

6. When a person is knocked unconscious by a blow to the head, she or he will never suffer a concussion or brain damage.

7. No one involved in a car chase, hijacking, explosion, volcanic eruption or alien invasion will ever go into shock.

8. Police departments give their officers personality tests to make sure they are deliberately assigned a partner who is their total opposite.

9. When they are alone, all foreigners prefer to speak English to each other.

10. You can always find a chainsaw when you need one.

11. Any lock can be picked by a credit card or a paper clip in seconds, unless it's the door to a burning building with a child trapped inside.

12. An electric fence, powerful enough to kill a dinosaur will cause no lasting damage to an eight-year-old child.

13. Television news bulletins usually contain a story that affects you personally at that precise moment you turn the television on.

~ Author unkown


Johanna Garth said...

Ooh, ooh, I have one!!

Only on television do outrageously attractive women marry ordinary looking, overweight guys who make constant jokes at their wives expense.

Mark David Gerson said...

That's a great one, Johanna!

singerof70s said...

Only in movies do handguns out-shoot automatic weapons, machine guns and sniper rifles, and after killing the bad guys, out hero leaves their high-powered weapon behind, in favor of his favorite six-shooter with only two bullets left (which, of course, he'll throw AT the baddies when he's done!)

Progger said...

The bad guy will always get one last grab at the hero before he can finally finish him off for good.

Dave Bartlett said...

Only in the movies do detectives looking for obvious connections between the victims of a serial killer, always fail to notice that all their telephone numbers begin with '555'

Only in the movies do people taking part in telephone conversations, even when they're otherwise alone, choose to repeat everything the other party says, (usually prefixed by something like: "what? you say he...") rather than just listening.