It's Time to Stop Hating the Haters

I don't often see the ignorant rantings of homophobic, misogynistic, antisemitic and islamophobic haters on my social media news feeds anymore – either because they have unfriended me or because I have ceased to follow them. But I'm disturbed to be seeing instead the hateful rants of people justifiably concerned about the blowback from the Supreme Court marriage equality ruling on Friday. 

Concern is justifiable. Even anger is justifiable. But when the hated start hating in return, we become no better than those who hate us. 

Sure, the pastor who threatened to burn himself to death if marriage equality became the law of the land and then didn't is a hypocrite, and he deserves to be mocked. He doesn't deserve to die or to be helped on his way. 

Mock, too, the Donald Trumps of the world who defend "traditional marriage" from the "sanctity" of their third marriage. But, again, we lose more than we gain when we attack these hypocrites with vicious language. 

What about county clerks whose deeply held religious convictions make it difficult for them to perform their license-issuing jobs? They ought to follow the lead of Juli Luke of Denton, TX, who told her local paper that "as an elected public official, my personal belief cannot prevent me from issuing the licenses as required." Those who choose, instead, to resign should be respected for the sincerity of their beliefs instead of being attacked or called names. But even those who choose to flout the law needn't be vilified with violent language. Criticize and mock them. Sue them. But stop the hate. 

The "NO H8" graphic doesn't specify who should and shouldn't be hated. While it refers to California's Prop 8, it doesn't state "it's not okay for you to hate me but it's fine for me to hate you." It just states, simply, eloquently and inclusively, "No Hate."

Let's take the essence of that message to heart. Let's stop stooping to the haters' level. Let's end all bigotry, not just bigotry directed toward us. Let's demonstrate that hate, however it's expressed and whoever expresses it, is destructive. Let's remember that hate has consequences. Always.

Light and Dark: Some thoughts on Chick-Fil-A

I have been wanting to write a blog post on this subject for a long while and have even started several. Not specifically about the Chick-Fil-A controversy, because this is bigger than one company and one series of incidents. What I have really wanted to explore is what happens when light is cast into the darkest corners of the world...and of ourselves. Today, finally, I found the words...

The good thing about all the anti-gay, racist and misogynist hate that has been surfacing in recent months in the U.S. is that it's now out in the open for all to see and experience. After all, the hate and bigotry now being exhibited is nothing new. It has always been present, simmering angrily, invisibly -- and fearfully -- in the shadows. But as long as it was hiding, unseen and unexpressed, most people remained unaware of it...or could pretend to themselves that it didn't truly exist.

The thing is, unless we shine light into the darkness, we will never see what lurks there. But once something like this becomes visible and is expressed, in however an ugly manner, two things can happen:

1) We who are directly impacted can act...although action rooted in equivalent anger and fear will never have a lasting effect. We can act both out in the world and by facing whatever levels of internalized fear and hatred we all carry and that will always reflect back at us from the outside world.

2) We who are not directly affected can clearly see a level of bigotry that was previously invisible to us and can, hopefully, be shocked enough to work for and support more enlightened attitudes and legislation.

Whenever there is an increase in light in the world and in our inner worlds, an opportunity exists to shine that same light into the shadowed corners of our inner and outer lives. Only then can we heal the festering, infected wounds -- personal and societal --  that cannot be dealt with as long as they remain hidden from view.

Only then can we be free.

Photo (c) Mark David Gerson

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