The Art of Healthy Feedback: Part II - How To Give It

Part II of a two-part series on asking for and giving healthy feedback. While both pieces are focused on writing and other creative pursuits, they can easily be adapted to the many situations in our lives when we are giving or seeking help or advice.


1. Be Nurturing.
Remember, the only reason to offer feedback is to support the writer and his or her work. This is not a test of your ability to pick out flaws. Don’t be smart. Be gentle. Don’t show off. Be fair.

2. Be Balanced.
Always begin with the positive -- with what you like about the piece, with its strengths, with what works for you. With that foundation of support, you can then offer constructive comments. Remember, you can say anything you feel called to say about the work, as long as you frame it with respect and compassion.

3. Be Specific.
You’re at your most helpful when you can offer examples from the text of what works and what doesn’t. Be clear.

4. Be Respectful.
Give only the type and level of feedback the writer has sought. If there are other elements you would like to comment on, ask permission. Respect the answer you get.

5. Be Compassionate.
Remember the Golden Rule of Feedback: “Speak unto others in the manner you would have them speak unto you.” Put yourself in the writer’s shoes and offer feedback as you would prefer to receive it.

How not to give feedback....

"Why don't you write books people can read?"

~ Nora Joyce, to her husband James

• How can you listen more clearly to the nature of the feedback being requested of you?

• How can you be clearer in the feedback you offer?

• How can you be more respectful of the work and its author, offering feedback that doesn't show how smart you are but, instead serves the needs and growth of the writer and his/her work? 

The Art of Healthy Feedback: A Two-Part Series

I - How To Get It

II - How To Give It

Adapted from The Voice of the Muse: Answering the Call to Write, (c) 2008 Mark David Gerson 

Please "like" these Facebook pages:

• The Voice of the Muse book

• The MoonQuest movie

• The MoonQuest book

• Mark David Gerson

Photo: James & Nora Joyce, 1915 -- Beinecke Rare Book and Manuscript Library, Yale University

The Art of Healthy Feedback: Part I - How To Get It

Part I of a two-part series on asking for and giving healthy feedback. While both pieces are focused on writing and other creative pursuits, they can be easily adapted to the many situations in our lives when we are giving or seeking help or advice. 

Stay in charge of your creative process by reading these guiding principles before sharing your work with anyone -- including your life partner or best friend.

1. Be Protective.

You have no more right to knowingly expose your work to influences that could harm it or set it back than you do your child. Seek out only those people and situations that will support you and your writing. Never assume that the people closest to you will be the most supportive. Always use your discernment.

2. Be Open.

Your work, like your child, requires fresh air and outside influences. Don’t be overprotective and suffocating. Be open to others’ perceptions, comments and responses.

3. Be Aware.

To everything there is a season. At different stages in your work and your process, you will be ready to hear different things. Respect where you are and seek only the type of feedback you are prepared to receive and integrate. Recognize when you are at your most raw and respect that.

4. Be Clear.

Be clear about the type of feedback you require and desire.

5. Be Explicit.
Once you know what kind of feedback is appropriate at this time, ask for it -- clearly, directly and without equivocation. Your reader cannot know how best to support you unless you make your needs clear. If you are vague and unclear, you open yourself to comments you are not ready to hear, comments that could feel damaging, even if they’re not intended to be so.

6. Be Strong.
Know what you want and don’t be afraid to speak up when you’re not getting it, or when you’re getting something you didn’t ask for. Remember, this is your work and your creative process. You have every right to seek out what will help and support you.

7. Be Discerning.

The words on your page are an expression of you but they are not you. Negative comments, whether intentionally cruel or not, have no power to harm you, unless you abdicate your power and allow yourself to be hurt. In fact, take neither praise not criticism too seriously. Deep inside, you know your work’s strengths and weaknesses. Tap into that inner knowingness and rely on it to discern which comments support you and serve your work at this stage in its development and yours.

• How can you be clearer in the feedback you seek?

• How can you be more discerning in who you ask for feedback?

• How can you be more respectful of your work's needs and your own when seeking feedback?

The Art of Healthy Feedback: A Two-Part Series

I - How To Get It

II - How To Give It

Adapted from The Voice of the Muse: Answering the Call to Write, (c) 2008 Mark David Gerson 

Please "like" these Facebook pages:

• The Voice of the Muse book

• The MoonQuest movie

• The MoonQuest book

• Mark David Gerson

Creative Support: The Healthy Way to Give Writing Feedback

Share these guiding principles with those to whom you intend to show your work, and be certain they’re comfortable abiding by them. Read them yourself before commenting on a friend’s work.

1. Be Nurturing.
Remember, the only reason to offer feedback is to support the writer and his or her work. This is not a test of your ability to pick out flaws. Don’t be smart. Be gentle. Don’t show off. Be fair.

2. Be Balanced.
Always begin with the positive -- with what you like about the piece, with its strengths, with what works for you. With that foundation of support, you can then offer constructive comments. Remember, you can say anything you feel called to say about the work, as long as you frame it with respect and compassion.

3. Be Specific.
You’re at your most helpful when you can offer examples from the text of what works and what doesn’t. Be clear.

4. Be Respectful.
Give only the type and level of feedback the writer has sought. If there are other elements you would like to comment on, ask permission. Respect the answer you get.

5. Be Compassionate.
Remember the Golden Rule of Feedback: “Speak unto others in the manner you would have them speak unto you.” Put yourself in the writer’s shoes and offer feedback as you would prefer to receive it.


Adapted from The Voice of the Muse: Answering the Call to Write, (c) 2008 Mark David Gerson


• Companion Piece: The Healthy Way to Seek Feedback for Your Writing


• Coming March 3 via teleconference: The Voice of the Muse Coaching Group for Writers. Last chance today to save!

Sharing Your Work: The Healthy Way to Ask for Feedback

Stay in charge of your creative process by reading these guiding principles before sharing your work with anyone -- including your life partner or best friend.

1. Be Protective.
You have no more right to knowingly expose your work to influences that could harm it or set it back than you do your child. Seek out only those people and situations that will support you and your writing. Never assume that the people closest to you will be the most supportive. Always use your discernment.

2. Be Open.
Your work, like your child, requires fresh air and outside influences. Don’t be overprotective and suffocating. Be open to others’ perceptions, comments and responses.

3. Be Aware.
To everything there is a season. At different stages in your work and your process, you will be ready to hear different things. Respect where you are and seek only the type of feedback you are prepared to receive and integrate. Recognize when you are at your most raw and respect that.

4. Be Clear.
Be clear about the type of feedback you require and desire.

5. Be Explicit.
Once you know what kind of feedback is appropriate at this time, ask for it --clearly, directly and without equivocation. Your reader cannot know how best to support you unless you make your needs clear. If you are vague and unclear, you open yourself to comments you are not ready to hear, comments that could feel damaging, even if they’re not intended to be so.

6. Be Strong.
Know what you want and don’t be afraid to speak up when you’re not getting it, or when you’re getting something you didn’t ask for. Remember, this is your work and your creative process. You have every right to seek out what will help and support you.

7. Be Discerning.
The words on your page are an expression of you but they are not you. Negative comments, whether intentionally cruel or not, have no power to harm you, unless you abdicate your power and allow yourself to be hurt. In fact, take neither praise not criticism too seriously. Deep inside, you know your work’s strengths and weaknesses. Tap into that inner knowingness and rely on it to discern which comments support you and serve your work at this stage in its development and yours.

• How can you be clearer in the feedback you seek?

• How can you be more discerning in who you ask for feedback?

• How can you be more respectful of your work's needs and your own when seeking feedback?


• Next time: The Healthy Way to Give Feedback


Adapted from The Voice of the Muse: Answering the Call to Write, (c) 2008 Mark David Gerson


• Coming March 3 via teleconference: The Voice of the Muse Coaching Group for Writers.


Feedback image: Artist unknown.

Everyone's a Critic?

"Why don't you write books people can read?"

~ Nora Joyce, to her husband James

Those closest to you -- your partner, parents, best friend -- are not always the best people from whom to seek feedback for your writing.

Remember, your work is as much your creation as is your child. You have no more right to knowingly expose it to influences that could harm it or set it back than you do your child.

Seek out only those people and situations that will support you and your writing. Always use your discernment.

Where do you turn for healthy feedback? How do you ensure that the comments you're getting support you and your writing?

~ adapted from "How to Get Healthy Feedback," from The Voice of the Muse: Answering the Call to Write

Photo: James & Nora Joyce, 1915 -- Beinecke Rare Book and Manuscript Library, Yale University